Your family members seem to make it a mission in life to get on your last nerve. How many times have you said, “you know what; I’m going to stop messing with my family”. They are messy, always up in my personal business, and begging for stuff. Of course, it’s not everybody in the family. Just a select few that are close to you and feel comfortable enough to come at you on a regular basis with some foolishness. You’re not sure how you got put into this bag. You would love to get out of it, but how?
Change your phone number. Move out of town. Move out of state. If you’re that desperate, leave the country. Maybe then, they will get the hint that you don’t want to be bothered with the foolishness. You can go about your way and form your own family. The type of family you always wanted to be a part of when you were growing up. Your new family won’t be in your personal business. They won’t ever get comfortable enough to ask you for stuff. This new family of yours will be drama free, and the foolishness of your real family will be a thing of the past because your new family is above that type of foolishness. It will be just as you scripted it. If you believe any of that to be true, then you are a bigger fool than anybody in your family.
We can come at this from several angles, but let’s start from the family’s perspective.
“The family would hate to see you leave, but the family would tell you to leave when you get ready. You have your life together and going in the right direction. We may come to you for help from time to time, but please don’t forget the times you needed help and the moments when your future was in doubt. Were not telling you these things to for our benefit, but to remind you what family is all about. It will always be messy and complicated, but at the end of the day, somebody in the family will be here for you. If you can find that kind of acceptance and love outside of the family, go for it. Regardless of your decision, we will always be here for you”.
I never had any intentions of living apart from my blood family, but life happens, and I have been living away from them a long time now. If you’re fortunate enough to be around good people as I was away from home, you will be taken in and accepted by people who share no blood with you. They will become your family away from the family. This is not a back doorway to leave your blood family, but merely a way to survive on your own with some support in case things get rough. And they will. This experience will make you appreciate the good parts of your blood family and give you a new perspective of the things you thought were bad about your blood family.
The main takeaways: No family is perfect. Every family has some drama, because there will be a few members who can’t get right for one reason or another. Regardless of the family unit, you have a role to play. You may have a small role or be the person everyone else depends on for leadership and direction. This is how the family survives.
